A Few Ways to Spend $6.48

As our economy heads even further down the shitter, here are a few ways to spend your last remaining dollars in a useful, meaningful way.  This post stems from an email to a friend who now, at the age of thirty, has to move back in with mom and dad because the mortgage industry is now DOA.  The text of the original email follows:

In the spirit of helping a brotha' out, here are a few ways to spend your remaining $6.48.  Hope this helps.

1.  find an $5 all-you-can-eat pizza place and go to town.  if they offer you salad, turn it down. fill up on bread, sauce, and meat, and enjoy the diarrhea later.  you will still have $1.48 left, which will buy you some cheap malt liquor after your meal.  drink the malt liquor, cry, and wonder why you just wasted your last bit of change.

2.  put two bucks worth of gas in your truck, head to an indian casino.  exchange the rest of your money for chips (you may only get one, that is if they make a $4.48 chip), and head to the nearest $1 blackjack table.  sit there long enough to get some free drinks, then double down, and cash in.  once you've made enough to afford the crab leg buffet, quit, and enjoy the fine eats.

3.  buy some black paint from home depot.  paint the windows on your truck (except the front, you will need to see where you're going).  drive to a rich part of town and kidnap a small child.  hold the child ransom, cash in.

4.  fuck the all-you-can-eat pizza idea and just spend all $6.48 on malt liquor.  you'll pass out, wake up tomorrow and have no memory of why you slept in a gutter.

5.  save all $6.48 and head to the macadam's house.  raid their fridge.  skip the food, head straight for the Steel Reserve in the back.  Drink.  pass out in gutter.

6.  buy a used porn movie from a liquor store for $4.99 plus tax.  enjoy hours of pleasure jerking off to women who used to be men and one midget.  save the last dollar to buy a roll of 1-ply toilet paper to clean up your man-goo.

7.  the first six should keep you busy, if i think of more, I'll let you know.

balls

ps -- 8.  pay a homeless person $1 to fondle your balls.  you'll get six great ones, but the last one  you'll have to choose between your left nut and right nut.  but hey, a half-fondle is better than no fondle at all.