.....you save $.35

I wish I were a salesman. I wish I was a preening, self-indulgent dick that could sell people anything. I can say that I've met one decent, honest salesman in my life, but mostly they all suck. Richard (the good salesman) wasn't exactly a salesman, but he had the personality that could convince people to do things they didn't really want to do. We worked at the grocery store together, and when people would come up and ask for a pound of ground beef he'd always say, "A pound? How about two?" Nearly 95% of the time the customer would say yes. Whatever it was in his smile, or his tone, or his overall demeanor, people caved in. Granted it was hamburger and not a boat or a car or a house or anything like that, but I'm sure he could have sold those things too.

What really gets me is, if I tried the same approach I'd get shot down almost every time. People have no problem saying no to me. Either I'm just too much of a pushover, or people have no problem crushing my sales aspirations, but either way, they never cave into my sales pitches. But I don't like to be sold to, so I don't usually try to sell to others. That whole golden rule thing? I try to stick by that as much as possible. And not that I'm exactly in an occupation that requires me to make sales, but it's just the principle of the thing. I wish I had that knack for getting people to do something they don't really want to do. And not in a negative way, and not to abuse my power or anything, but simply having that instant rapport with people would be nice. "Sure I'll take an extra steak. I don't need it, but you're just awesome!" That would be nice.

Here's the problem I have with most sales pitches these days. They aren't even deals. The other day I'm at the Star-B's and I order a grande coffee. (You can't say medium or they throw you out on your ignorant ass). The clerk asks me if I want to upgrade to a venti coffee, the big one, and save .35 cents. Think about it. Buy a bigger coffee and save .35 cents. The last time I checked they weren't going to deduct .35 cents from my original purchase and then hand me more coffee. No, they're going to charge me more for a bigger coffee. That's how it works. There is no extra change in my hand, only a bigger coffee and a bigger charge to my debit card, so tell me, how did I save money? I know their logic is that I'm getting x number of ounces for less than if I bought the same x number of ounces spread out over two smaller sized coffees, but dont' tell me I'm saving .35 cents. If I'm an idiot and order two medium coffees instead of the cheaper, bigger coffee, sure, offer that shit right on up. Otherwise, don't tell me I'm going to save money when I'm not going to save money. Saving money means I get to watch my bank account grow, not decline.

enough for now.